Advisor to ParentGiving.com Helps Mom Taking Care of Mom

Good article on a loving daughter caring for a mother with Alzheimer's in NY Times Fashion and Style section. Ultimate help came from a lady who is an expert adviser to the great online magazine parentgiving.com.

Published Today on California American Chronicle

I am delighted to share that my article on my Mom's hydrocephalus disorder and surgical treatment was just published by American Chronicle!

While you're here, please sign up for our free newsletter and two free reports on What you Need to Know if You're Caring for an Elderly Parent!

The Laugh's on Me!

This is great. I go in to give my Mom her evening pills, and she says, "I think I'm lucky." "Lucky for what?" I ask. "Lucky that I get my pills." So I think lucky that we have the pills, lucky she has a loving daughter to give her the pills. Then my friend Kathy says, "Well, at least tonight you remembered the pills." Suddenly my mother's statement took on a whole new meaning!

The Scary Moments -- Mom's Surgery for Hydrocephalus Disorder

I remember last year when my mother had to have a shunt put in her head because she had hydrocephalus, a disorder caused by water on the brain. At the time I was living at home back east and had not seen her for several months (she being in CA) in a skilled nursing facility. I had come out for a two-week visit, which ended up lasting several months.

I thought my mother seemed a bit off from the last time I'd visited, and asked our doctor to do a CT Scan to learn if there was any need for treatment. The CT scan showed the hydrocephalus -- water on the brain. The treatment for hydrocephalus disorder is operating to put a shunt in the patient's head. The neurosurgeons are able to put in a valve that releases the pressure -- very cool intellectually but not so cool in practice. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke offers great information on the symptoms and treatment of hydrocephalus.

My Mom is strong, but I thought I would fall apart when the anesthesiologist brought me into the patient recovery room -- verboten typically for family members to be brought in there, to comfort my mother. Holding my Bingo (firstborn Newfoundland) as we had to put her down, same with Wildfire my horse, and losing in a coma my beautiful Ringo (Bingo's "little" (190 lbs.) brother), prepared me for this moment. But barely.

I walked in and there was my mother lying in bed with one side of her head shaved, dried blood in all the scary places, staples, she completely out of it, and looking at me, saying, "Please Miss, Please Help Me, Miss, Please Help Me," for about 30 minutes. It was all I could do not to freak out on the scene. So I called on Christ's strength, refused to cry, asked them to up the morphine as much as they could (my mother always tolerated pain very well, consistently refusing pain medication, so I knew she was in agony.)

I held her hand and told her we would be okay. We were going to get through this together. I loved her and so did the Lord and she was going to be just fine.

The treatment worked, she recovered beautifully and came back to life, able to talk more and became much more aware of what was going on around her. But those piercing eyes and pleading voice haunt me to this day.

Here's the lesson I learned from losing my beloved Ringo, Wildfire and Bingo, and then facing my Mom in the recovery room, looking like a picture out of a horror movie: When you encounter those moments with your loved ones, hang in there for them and forget about yourself. Let out your breath and do your crying AFTER it's all over. Loving them best at these times often means forgetting yourself in the moment and focusing solely on them. It's hard but you CAN do it!

Hospice Care -- Know the Ins and Outs

Hospice care comes under Part A of Medicare, just like hospitalization. It is available to those at home, in assisted living facilities, skilled nursing facilities, and hospice hospitals.

Not all hospice care is for those who are terminal. The San Diego Hospice and Institute for Palliative Medicine has its own hospice hospital and serves patients throughout San Diego County in multiple facilities and individual homes.

The Institute also specializes in research and development of palliative treatment for acute cases in hospitals where the patient is not terminal.

The National Hospice Foundation (NHF) has a terrific site full of information on hospice programs and guidance for use throughout the 50 states.

NHF is currently requesting stories of patient's hospice experiences and those of hospice workers to post on their site. To share your story Click Here!

Special Moments

You can't recreate special moments, you can only create new ones.

It was my birthday recently, and I was blessed with a wonderful celebration. After a morning filled with bouquets of lovely flowers, email, voicemail, and social media birthday wishes and time spent with my mother and dear friends, we topped the night off (an unusual evening out) with a DELICIOUS array of vegetarian sushi and sparkling wine (Sofia--a new favorite, though I feel a traitor to my French roots). We gobbled it all down in 30 minutes to make the next showing of the latest Harry Potter movie -- I was on cloud nine, happy as a lark. What a wonderful day.

Three days later I wanted that same experience again. So, I picked up the same sushi from the restaurant, got those cute little cans of Sparkling Sofia, sat out on the patio with my friend and my Maman just inside the door in her room -- and what I discovered, it wasn't the same. It was nice, it was pleasant, but it didn't have the thrill of those birthday moments.

This got me thinking about our parents, as they age, and how we remember holidays and great times together, going shopping with Mom, or a ballgame with Dad, and now we grieve because they are lying in bed and can no longer walk, or they don't recognize us anymore. And we wish we could relive those special moments -- but we can't. We'll never be able to make them happen again, they are gone forever.

But as I discovered that same afternoon on the balcony, we can experience new special moments. My girlfriend, Kathy, and I splashed our champagne with cranberry juice and I poured some for my mother in her plastic cup with a straw. "How is it?" I asked. "Delicious," she said with a big smile on her face, "Absolutely delicious."

That was a new special moment.

WOW! Almost 60,000 Have Quit AARP Since July 1

President Obama's proposed health care plan and the position of the nation's largest association of seniors on that plan has lost it nearly 60,000 members since July 1, CBS reports.

Honor Your Father and Mother!

One of my favorite of the Ten Commandments is: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Exodus 20:12 New American Standard Bible (NASB).

In Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, he writes “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU AND SO THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.” Ephesians 6:1-3 NASB (emphasis in original).

Beyond respecting and obeying them as children, I believe that caring for our parents through their elder years is one of the finest, toughest, and most rewarding opportunities we have to honor them. We don’t do it for the purpose of prolonging our own days, but the importance to God of our honoring our parents is made clear by His promise of prolonging our days.

Here's to you loving your parents!

Pending Hospital Tests and Discharges

Check this new study out!

America: A Utlitarian State?

Elders and others are rightly concerned that our land of liberty is turning into a utilitarian state.

"Pragmatism is the notion that meaning or worth is determined by practical consequences. It is closely akin to utilitarianism, the belief that usefulness is the standard of what is good. To a pragmatist/utilitarian, if a technique or course of action has the desired effect, it is good. If it doesn't seem to work, it must be wrong." John F. MacArthur, Ashamed of the Gospel

Mom and Me and a Party for More than Three!

Loving Mama over the weekend right at home! Check out her glamour girl earrings! She got all dressed up for our special guests -- John and Jeanette -- after almost 30 years apart. Together again thanks to Facebook and their drive all the way from Scottsdale to San Diego! What a wonderful time!

New Publications on American Chronicle

Newly Published by Jane Allison Austin on American Chronicle: "Long-Term Health Care Insurance" You've got it, now what will it do for you? And if you're considering buying long-term care insurance, different rates for different daily rates in nursing homes apply.Click Here to Learn What You Need to Know for Yourself and Your Parents.

Popular Article by Jane Allison also published on American Chronicle: "An RN Speaks Out on Nursing Homes" Click Here!

My Parent Has Long-Term Care Insurance-Now What?-Part 2

In "My Mom Has Long-Term Care Insurance-How do I Interview Nursing Homes-Part 1," we looked at the importance of first determining the per diem rate your parent's long-term care insurance policy provides. You will want to check with your health care insurance company to find out exactly how much the policy your parent purchased will pay to a nursing home for your parent's daily care.

This question is very important because different health care insurance companies provide different long-term care insurance policies purchased at different rates.

One daughter told me that her health care insurance company told her that she could pick any nursing home for her mother, so she immediately wanted to know what to look for in nursing homes.

Great question, but the first question to ask is how much will you have to spend under the terms of your parent's long-term care insurance company policy -- how much in additional funds will you or your parent have to pay if you pick a nursing home of better quality than the per diem allowable cost of Mom or Dad's long-term care plan.

As you're looking at nursing homes, ask what is the nursing homes' daily cost? Will there be extra charges for diapers, gloves, wipes, laundry, medicine? If you have to purchase these, they CAN be brought in from the outside. Don't pay the rates the nursing home charges--that's usually where they make extra money. Save your money for the important expenses. Go to Costco or Sam's Club or order on line.

There are also outside mail-order pharmacies for any medications covered or not by Medicare or secondary insurance. A good nursing home facility will help you arrange for that. If not, you can also do it on your own.

If you're looking for an inexpensive tool to discover free resources and giveaways for seniors Click Here!

Many facilities have trouble finding quality nurses to work in their facilities. Often you will see that they don't even have every shift covered by one registered nurse.

This is a bad sign.

You should also look at the most recent state health board report on the nursing home facility. Check out how many negative notices have been made against the nursing homes your are looking at. Often times, nursing homes will be cited for not giving medications at the proper time (very important) or skipping them altogether. Ask also what is the turnover rate of staff?

Stop in some time during the week when the nursing homes are not typically expecting family visitors and ask to take a tour -- look through the entire facility. Is there a cup with a straw and filled water pitcher by each person's bed? Is there a television, telephone?

How will you reach your parent by phone? Will your Mom or Dad have to use a cell phone to talk to you? Will you have to rely on the nurse's desk to take a phone to your parent's when you call (good luck with that!). Communication between the elder and family members is crucial to the elder's mental health. Make sure you and your family members can communicate easily with Mom or Dad.

Also ask to look into the shower areas and see how clean they are.

And, of course, as I recommended in Part 1, talk to other family members of other patients. But still make sure you make a surprise visit during the week to really see what happens when the nursing home is not typically expecting visitors.

Also, find out about doctors. Does the facility have a Medical Director who visits or is on call? Typically, only the highest-end facilities do. So, you need to make sure that your parent's physician will come to the nursing home you choose or that it's easy for you to arrange for transportation to the doctor's office.

I've written before and will mention again that elder and disability transportation services are one of the highest growth areas of necessary services as boomers and our parents age. Many available services are run very poorly.

If you are looking for a growth business, I recommend strongly that you check out elder/disability transportation service opportunities. This resource I'm recommending may look a little intimidating at first but it's a great investment in learning how to build a transportation service company--Click Here!

I can tell you from first-hand experience that a well-organized, caring, service-oriented transportation company for the aging and disabled will attract many clients, both private individuals and families as well as nursing home facilities that have to arrange for transportation of their patients to and from hospitals and doctors' appointments.

Finally, meals. Some facilities do not want to serve individuals in bed because they want them up and out, they say, it's more social for the seniors, but it's also more work for the staff. You should find a nursing home facility that will allow meals to be served in the room, at the patient's discretion. There may be days or come a time when your parent will want/need meals to be served in bed.

Keep in mind, you are not alone through all of this. We offer telephone consultations to guide you through your health care planning, both pre-planning and emergency situations. To contact us, Click Here!

Blessings and encouragement, Jane Allison

My New Article On Nursing Homes Published Today On American Chronicle!

Please click here to read!