So, the good news is Mama's out of the hospital, and back in our home away from home at the wonderful nursing facility, so that she can be closely monitored. But when I went in today she was fast asleep and breathing deeply, so I held and stroked her left hand (which didn't wake her up, unusual) and watched her sleep for about a half hour. In my heart, I relived our lives together and told her without words out loud all the things I was thankful for that she did: all those lessons, piano, tap, dance, violin, ice skating--she was hoping to find me have talent in something!
Then I laughed inside about the things I didn't like -- and told her those, too, in my heart -- those yeast drinks -- it was the 70s -- that I had to devour (YUK!) before I got to any lesson, sitting in the backseat of the car. Can't even get close to the smell of beer without going "Yuk" to this day -- hmmm, maybe that was the plan! And running away from home when I was sixteen, driving to my friend's house because I thought my life was boring, and I had to spice it up -- but I guess my plan was too obvious, because when I came out of her house to go home two hours later, there were my Mom and Dad calmly sitting in their car, waiting for me.
But there was little to be upset about. She gave me love, introduced me to Christ, gave me a beautiful education--with no student loans left over -- how I just took that for granted! And sent me to all these really cool places around the world. I always went on my own, they never went with me, a bit strange since I always thought it would be fun to travel together, but maybe I was boring company or she just didn't want to get in the way. Then a beautiful wedding, where Daddy, halfway through Alzheimer's but still looking handsome in his tuxedo, got out of the limo at the church before me, and then closed the door behind him, leaving me inside, with him smiling at the camera -- a big beautiful smile I can still see! He was able to walk me down the aisle, though he wasn't sure quite what to do with me when we arrived at the altar, Mama took him by the hand and led him to the pew, and he was able to give a beautiful prayer at our reception.
My Mom looked gorgeous. She was 72 and looked like a million dollars with her beautiful hair, high heels, and elegant long velvet gown.. She got to wear my favorite color, black, to the wedding. I wanted to wear black but was told that would be inappropriate, so when she asked if she could wear it, I was thrilled, and said well somebody needs to! She was more beautiful than the bride!
I still remember driving around Glendale, where I went to elementary school, sitting in the backseat -- always in the backseat! -- listening to her 8-track tapes: Frank Sinatra, A Star is Born, Helen Reddy -- and whenever that Helen Reddy song would come on, "You and me against the world" and it came to the part, "And when one of us is gone, and one of us is left to carry on, then remembering we'll have to do, our memories alone will get us through, think about the days of me and you, you and me against the world" -- I, even as a little girl felt the import of those words and dreaded that day that might one day come.
So, then back in Room 5A this morning, I told her silently everything, how much I loved her, how great she was and is, let her sleep, kissed her, and I slipped away. I then felt the urge as I was driving home to stop at our favorite flower shop and have them deliver flowers this afternoon so she would see them when she woke up. She told me a few years ago, that she never knew how much she loved flowers until I started sending them to her. She's always loved beauty, so I wanted her to be surprised and see something beautiful when she woke up.
The lady asked me if I wanted to include a card. No, I said, she'll know who they're from. Then I changed my mind and went over to the cards and picked the one that said "Thank You" and wrote on it "for being a Great Mom. I love you!"
Hopefully, she will enjoy the beautiful reds and yellows and lilies when she wakes up and smile.
