First Three Steps When Mom or Dad in Hospital!

As I wrote recently, a dear friend got the call described below. Here are the first three of seven tips on what to do when your parent is hospitalized.


Have you gotten that call in the middle of the night telling you that your mother who is 2,000 miles away has fallen and is in the hospital? Has your father come for a visit and had a slight stroke? These circumstances can interrupt your everyday life and send you into a state of panic and fear. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO WHEN YOUR PARENT IS HOSPITALIZED IS TO PUT YOUR PANIC AND WORRY ASIDE AND SHIFT INTO WARRIOR MODE. Here's what you need to do.

1. Don't panic. It is natural to be fearful and overwhelmed when your mother or dad is rushed to the hospital. Accept your feelings as natural, but put them aside right away. YOU ARE YOUR PARENT'S BEST ADVOCATE. If you live far away, immediately call a friend who can go to the hospital and be your liaison on the ground until you get there. You will quickly get frustrated and angry trying to get information about what's happening with Mom or Dad unless you have someone on the scene looking out for YOU and letting you know what's going on. If you can't get to the hospital, there are also elder care advocates like myself who can be your eyes and ears and fight through the system so your parent gets the best care.

2. Contact your mother or dad's physician immediately. As a side note here, it is very important that your parent have a general internist physician (preferably a gerontologist if you can find one) WHO IS WILLING TO FOLLOW YOUR PARENT TO THE HOSPITAL IF NECESSARY. This is obviously something to arrange now, before any unforeseen hospitalization occurs.

Many hospitals now promote to patients a new system of "hospitalists" -- these are physicians who only work at the hospital and don't have a private practice. The problem with this is that your parent will be a new patient to the hospitalist and you might not have the same hospitalist every day. WHAT YOU WANT IS YOUR PARENT'S PHYSICIAN WHO KNOWS YOUR PARENT'S HISTORY TO VISIT THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY AND DIRECT YOUR PARENT'S CARE! This is very important for the continuity of care for your mom or dad and for your comfort. A hospitalist might not pick up on something about your parent that his or her own physician would because of their history together.

3. Don't be intimidated by the hospital system. The reality is that hospitals have their own protocols and systems which may work for them, but may not necessarily work for you! You land in a place that's all new to you -- and they've got the advantage. Do not be afraid to ask questions of the nurses, other staff or the physicians. Hospitals tell us that their mission is to take the best care of their patients, but the reality is the only person who will be looking out for the best interests of your parent is YOU or YOUR ADVOCATE.

When my mother was in the hospital, I walked up to the nurses' station behind which about 10 people were chatting away, and the one who was sitting at the desk right in front of me refused to look up. I finally called out, Hello, anybody home? And they all turned in disbelief, but I got what I needed.