I remember being invited to a caregiving class. "Why are you inviting me?" I asked. "I'm not a caregiver." Denial, denial, denial. "Yes, you are," the kind lady said. "And that's exactly why you have to come."
I had been looking after my Mom for a year at that point, and saw the nursing staff as the caregivers not me. Or maybe someone who had Mom or Dad at home. Now, that adult child's a real caregiver. Again, not me. I just was the one that made sure, in a graciously controlling fashion, that everyone did their job to take the best care of my Mom.
Seeing myself in the role of caregiver changed me. I realized I, too, was impacted emotionally, mentally and physically by looking after my Mom, even if I wasn't the one giving her a bath. I enjoyed the group. There was a lovely gentleman whose wife had dementia. He had been a high-level executive in Washington, D.C., and the couple had moved to California to be near their four daughters, who now rarely came to visit because of their schedules. And they hated California.
Everyone had a story to share. Though I rarely felt alone, it made me feel like I had comrades in the good fight, and we were able to support each other, and teach each other, too.
Love yourself while you're loving your parents. Put balance in your life. It's so simple, it seems dumb to write. Go for a walk. See a great summer movie. Read a good book (the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson is a well-written mystery that takes place in Sweden, and will transport you to another world.)
Go bowling. Dance around the house. Love yourself and you will be even better at loving Mom and Dad.
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