Good article on a loving daughter caring for a mother with Alzheimer's in NY Times Fashion and Style section. Ultimate help came from a lady who is an expert adviser to the great online magazine parentgiving.com.
Showing posts with label home care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home care. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Advisor to ParentGiving.com Helps Mom Taking Care of Mom
Good article on a loving daughter caring for a mother with Alzheimer's in NY Times Fashion and Style section. Ultimate help came from a lady who is an expert adviser to the great online magazine parentgiving.com.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Part 2 of Medicaid Nursing Home Article Published at American Chronicle
Stop before you encourage your loved ones to gift away their assets in order to qualify for Medicaid. Part 2 - What Nursing Home Will Your Seniors Live In? Medicaid Nursing Homes
Sunday, July 5, 2009
My Mother -- Hospice's Comedienne!
My mother is now home with me and comfortable, have the caregiving schedule worked out, and now lots of great time to write.
So, this is the best part, I've learned my mother is a lie-in-bed comic. As context, she has short-term memory issues, but that mind is still sharp even with its limitations.
As sad as last week was with all the tragic deaths in L.A., I was startled when after watching three days of coverage from morning to night, my mother turns to me and says, "I think Michael Jackson has died."
Yesterday, on the Fourth, I'm trying to get her to understand what day it is. She runs through the days of the week -- no, that didn't work. So, I say, "What day is the Fourth of July?" Her response, "On the Fourth of July."
Later I ask her again what day it is -- it's a beautiful, sunny day in Southern California, clear and gorgeous, unlike last year's Fourth of July Fog -- this time she says it's Christmas Eve. I say, "Look out the window, does it look like it could be Christmas Eve? It's the Fourth of July." She says, "Well, it can be both the Fourth of July and Christmas Eve." "Why do you want it to be Christmas Eve?" I ask. "So that I can get presents."
So then I am telling her today that before she came home I went out to shop, after checking with some Twitter friends about the best sofa bed to put in her room -- a plug for "American Leather" (but the sofas come in wonderful microfiber colors, too, and no springs!) so that I or a caregiver could spend the night with her. She tells me she loves the color. I explain how the first store we went to didn't have the right size or color. The second store, praise the Lord, had the twin size in exactly our color, but didn't want to sell it off the floor. It would take five weeks to order and deliver, but my Mother was coming home at the end of the week.
I told my Mom this morning I knew when I saw the sofa that the Lord had it there ready for us and they would sell it to us, which they did. She says she loves it and it looks beautiful in the room.
Then my mother asks for candy. I say, "You're always talking about candy!" "No, I'm not, I was just talking about sofas!"
Love your parents and bring them home if you can. You don't want to miss the magic moments.
Blessings, Jane Allison
http://yourelderlawadvocate.com
http://twitter.com/janeallison
P.S. As I am writing this on the sofa in her room, my mother calls out, "Throw me the flipper" -- our term for the TV remote. Then she quickly follows it up with, "But don't hit me." Fortunately, it was already by her side, no chance for that!
Friday, June 19, 2009
My Mother's Homecoming
Coming Home
Bringing a family member home after a stay in a skilled nursing facility (SNF) or rehabilitation center, or directly from the hospital, can be an overwhelming challenge emotionally and physically. If you are going to be a caregiver either in your own home or your parent's, to minimize emotional overload you need a plan. I'm going to give you one. First, let me share my story, and then I'll recommend what to do.
My Mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. "Home" I've learned over the last three years is wherever your loved ones are. I have been traveling from my "grown-up" home in Virginia to my "childhood" home in California, looking after my 86-year-old Mother (only child of only children). It's been a joy, but whenever I leave one place, I say "I'm going home." This last trip I decided both are home -- so I now refer to them as "the ocean" and "the farm."
My mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. is real for her. This has been her main residence or second home in California for over 30 years. I've been a nomad in it as I have come and gone to look over her care and be with her in a beautiful (we have been blessed) skilled nursing facility close by. But it struck me one night as I lay in my nomad state watching TV that she was doing the same thing several miles away, so why shouldn't we be doing it together? She has been in the facility for three years. They had taken great care of her. When I left to go to the farm after her first hospitalization, I worked hard to get caregivers for her at home who would care for her in my absence. She wasn't really sick, just immobile and afraid to be touched. She graciously growled at every lovely lady who came in, and I again knew in that moment, if I left, she'd kick them all out, so it was back to the facility, which kindly took us in.
Fast forward three years and she's been well cared for. Her mind is still sharp. Yet, she had come to the point where all she wanted was to lie in bed, be left alone, not eat (except for the chocolate I brought ever day) and said repeatedly she was living too long. In our care plan discussion, the lovely hospice social services lady, Paula, told me to be prepared, that it was not unusual for women to just start shutting down until they pass away.
Then a funny thing happened on the way to "home." My mother rallied. Three days before the scheduled departure I get a call from wonderful, Kit, the Head of Nursing. "I've got the greatest news. Mom has been up in her wheelchair, sitting in the Activities Room, taking all three meals in the dining room" -- which she had always called the "old people's room" and refused to go into, preferring meals in her room. I'm told the staff in amazement is calling this the "Awakening of Mrs. Lee."
Her front room with the ocean view is all ready to go, new bed (not a hospital bed, you need a special bed~more later), a lovely sofa bed to sit in by day and hang out with her all night if necessary, all my "little girl" furniture of which I was most proud has been taken away to make room for this new era in our lives.
My mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. -- from now on that's where I'll be hanging with one-half of my family at "the ocean." What joy.
I want you to have the same experience -- with or without the ocean. Here's what you need to do:
1. If your loved one is in a SNF, hospital, or rehabilitation facility, sit down about a week before you are planning to bring your parent home, listen and ask lots of questions!
2. If your parent is on hospice, hospice will offer a hospital bed at no charge. The standard in the industry says they are unbearably uncomfortable. If finances are an issue, you may have to take the bed. It is a blessing hospice even provides all that they do. If you are able to spend some money, I recommend checking into a nursing home bed distributor. Some of those beds are better than others. I worked directly with my "team" at the nursing facility (they have connections, you just have to ask and push) to arrange for a top-of-the-line bed to rent for $150 per month. The bed can also be purchased. The IMPORTANCE of this type of bed is that it moves the body in all different positions, crucial to prevent bedsores, and allows the bed to go all the way to the floor if your parent has a tendency to fall. Hospital beds don't go to the floor.
3. Hospice will also provide an eating table that goes over the bed for meals and holds drinks during the day, a wheelchair, oxygen, and a hoyer lift, which takes us to #4.
4. There are different sizes and kinds of hoyer lifts. You will want to talk to hospice about what they can provide, or check on your own -- Google "hoyer lifts" -- to find the right one for you. They will aid you in lifting Mom or Dad out of the bed and putting them in an armchair or wheel chair. You need practice, so ask the facility to show you how it works and practice with your Mom or Dad before they come home.
5. Finally, but equally important, finding caregivers to support YOU! You cannot take care of your parent 24 hours a day -- it is a physical and emotional impossibility. Watch out or the bed your Mom or Dad vacated might soon be yours! Reputable, trustworthy, bonded caregivers are the key. Ask your facility for whom they know to be the most trustworthy caregiving agencies. You will want to interview the caregivers and introduce them to Mom or Dad. If one doesn't work out, don't hesitate to ask for another. This is the most important step--you are entrusting your parent's life to another so that you can get out and have some recreation time, etc., AND you want someone in your house you can trust while you're gone. Put any valuables away. No matter how great we believe someone to be, we never truly, truly know them, especially in this setting.
You can do it. Loving your parent through this difficult time is a challenge, but will give you those special moments you will treasure forever. Corny to say, but love is a powerful thing, and serving your Mom or Dad at this time in your life is healing to them and a gift to you.
Bringing a family member home after a stay in a skilled nursing facility (SNF) or rehabilitation center, or directly from the hospital, can be an overwhelming challenge emotionally and physically. If you are going to be a caregiver either in your own home or your parent's, to minimize emotional overload you need a plan. I'm going to give you one. First, let me share my story, and then I'll recommend what to do.
My Mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. "Home" I've learned over the last three years is wherever your loved ones are. I have been traveling from my "grown-up" home in Virginia to my "childhood" home in California, looking after my 86-year-old Mother (only child of only children). It's been a joy, but whenever I leave one place, I say "I'm going home." This last trip I decided both are home -- so I now refer to them as "the ocean" and "the farm."
My mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. is real for her. This has been her main residence or second home in California for over 30 years. I've been a nomad in it as I have come and gone to look over her care and be with her in a beautiful (we have been blessed) skilled nursing facility close by. But it struck me one night as I lay in my nomad state watching TV that she was doing the same thing several miles away, so why shouldn't we be doing it together? She has been in the facility for three years. They had taken great care of her. When I left to go to the farm after her first hospitalization, I worked hard to get caregivers for her at home who would care for her in my absence. She wasn't really sick, just immobile and afraid to be touched. She graciously growled at every lovely lady who came in, and I again knew in that moment, if I left, she'd kick them all out, so it was back to the facility, which kindly took us in.
Fast forward three years and she's been well cared for. Her mind is still sharp. Yet, she had come to the point where all she wanted was to lie in bed, be left alone, not eat (except for the chocolate I brought ever day) and said repeatedly she was living too long. In our care plan discussion, the lovely hospice social services lady, Paula, told me to be prepared, that it was not unusual for women to just start shutting down until they pass away.
Then a funny thing happened on the way to "home." My mother rallied. Three days before the scheduled departure I get a call from wonderful, Kit, the Head of Nursing. "I've got the greatest news. Mom has been up in her wheelchair, sitting in the Activities Room, taking all three meals in the dining room" -- which she had always called the "old people's room" and refused to go into, preferring meals in her room. I'm told the staff in amazement is calling this the "Awakening of Mrs. Lee."
Her front room with the ocean view is all ready to go, new bed (not a hospital bed, you need a special bed~more later), a lovely sofa bed to sit in by day and hang out with her all night if necessary, all my "little girl" furniture of which I was most proud has been taken away to make room for this new era in our lives.
My mother's coming home tomorrow at 2 p.m. -- from now on that's where I'll be hanging with one-half of my family at "the ocean." What joy.
I want you to have the same experience -- with or without the ocean. Here's what you need to do:
1. If your loved one is in a SNF, hospital, or rehabilitation facility, sit down about a week before you are planning to bring your parent home, listen and ask lots of questions!
2. If your parent is on hospice, hospice will offer a hospital bed at no charge. The standard in the industry says they are unbearably uncomfortable. If finances are an issue, you may have to take the bed. It is a blessing hospice even provides all that they do. If you are able to spend some money, I recommend checking into a nursing home bed distributor. Some of those beds are better than others. I worked directly with my "team" at the nursing facility (they have connections, you just have to ask and push) to arrange for a top-of-the-line bed to rent for $150 per month. The bed can also be purchased. The IMPORTANCE of this type of bed is that it moves the body in all different positions, crucial to prevent bedsores, and allows the bed to go all the way to the floor if your parent has a tendency to fall. Hospital beds don't go to the floor.
3. Hospice will also provide an eating table that goes over the bed for meals and holds drinks during the day, a wheelchair, oxygen, and a hoyer lift, which takes us to #4.
4. There are different sizes and kinds of hoyer lifts. You will want to talk to hospice about what they can provide, or check on your own -- Google "hoyer lifts" -- to find the right one for you. They will aid you in lifting Mom or Dad out of the bed and putting them in an armchair or wheel chair. You need practice, so ask the facility to show you how it works and practice with your Mom or Dad before they come home.
5. Finally, but equally important, finding caregivers to support YOU! You cannot take care of your parent 24 hours a day -- it is a physical and emotional impossibility. Watch out or the bed your Mom or Dad vacated might soon be yours! Reputable, trustworthy, bonded caregivers are the key. Ask your facility for whom they know to be the most trustworthy caregiving agencies. You will want to interview the caregivers and introduce them to Mom or Dad. If one doesn't work out, don't hesitate to ask for another. This is the most important step--you are entrusting your parent's life to another so that you can get out and have some recreation time, etc., AND you want someone in your house you can trust while you're gone. Put any valuables away. No matter how great we believe someone to be, we never truly, truly know them, especially in this setting.
You can do it. Loving your parent through this difficult time is a challenge, but will give you those special moments you will treasure forever. Corny to say, but love is a powerful thing, and serving your Mom or Dad at this time in your life is healing to them and a gift to you.
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